Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I need to stop coming to work sober
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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