Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
