What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
