is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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