did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
