he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
