I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
