Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
