i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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