I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just threw up on my dentist
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
