Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
