Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
