I feel like I'm in dance class right now
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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