i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
