Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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