peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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