It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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