just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
