Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
