you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
