Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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