you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
