I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
