i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Someone signed my nipple.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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