Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
