the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
did i walk over a car last night?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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