Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
