no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
