either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
