fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
