I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
