Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
