Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
