yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
