Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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