My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
