I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
