I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
