Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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