he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
