Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
