No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
