Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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