it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Randomize
