nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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