She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
