she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
