He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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