you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
