It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
